RAPE: a gender crisis that needs to end

Just about a fortnight ago, I had the incline to write on the topic ‘Rape’, only to wake up the following day to the disheartening story of Uwa (of blessed memory) and social media platforms were buzzing with the #justiceforuwa campaign. I was sad and angry hearing the inhumane action taken by callous misfits who called themselves “men”, and thought to myself ‘not again, not another underage girl’. Right away, I knew that the continuous urge to write on the topic was more than a mere prompt on my mind, as a Christian, I knew that this was God asking me to write this article now.

First, I would like to mention; rape is NEVER the fault of the victim. A woman’s body is worthy of respect no matter what she wears or doesn’t wear; whatever environment she finds herself doesn’t matter; whatever she says/looks like doesn’t matter. There is only one reason for rape, and that is the RAPIST.

How do you feel when you hear or read about this topic? Personally, it makes my skin crawl. I struggle to understand the ‘why’ behind it. A rapist is a sociopath; The major characteristics of sociopaths are:

• Manipulative and Conning
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
• Shallow Emotions.
• Incapacity for Love.
• Need for Stimulation.

All these are traits of rapists.

Everyone desires a better society, but vices like these are challenges to that broader goal, rapists seldom/never are good fathers to their daughters neither are they a role model to their sons. A rapist cannot be a good manager or CEO because he lacks empathy; he can’t be a good political or religious leader. You can see how this destroys the essence of societal growth.

I will outline and discuss briefly, some key foundations and misconceptions that have led to the way we tackle this menace in our society.

1.) PARENTING:

Firstly, allow me to highlight that the duty of training the child isn’t solely that of the mother neither is it only her fault if the child is a rebel. Training a child is the duty of both parents (teamwork) once they are both alive. However, that’s a topic for a separate blog.

The main point under this subject is the sentiment of parents giving more attention to the training of the girl-child over the boy-child, we hear parents tell their daughters things like “cover your legs”, “sit like a girl”, “don’t allow boys touch you on your period”, “don’t find yourself in the wrong environment” etc. As good as these pieces of advice seems to be, it is not enough to just focus on the girl-child. The boy-child should be trained on how to respect women, how to be responsible in their interactions and relationships with women as equals, they must understand the importance of consent and acknowledge women are not their property(before and when they come of age to engage in sexual relationships) — the Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 — train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

2.) SOCIETY: Unfortunately, in patriarchal societies like Nigeria, there is this belief that women are less than men — another big LIE. This gives a sense of psychological empowerment to men that they can have the body of any woman whenever they feel like it, even if it requires force.

In Nigeria, we end up blaming the victim (woman) more for not forgiving, than the man for doing the wrong thing in the first place, in other words standing with the predator. This takes me back to the subject of ‘parenting’, the onus is entirely on the parents to raise better men, because the family is the bedrock of any society.

As individuals and a society, we need to stand up against this act of violence. The Bible teaches us to be our brother’s keepers (both male and female) and to love our neighbors as ourselves. It gives me a bit of relief to see that society is gradually waking up to that effect, but more still needs to be done; the men need to take responsibility. Historically, in Greek methodology, it was stated that women were curses to men, and Plato as far back as 1400 BC in one of his teachings, taught that there was no heaven or hell — that the punishment for men was to endure women, this went a long way in shaping a certain mindset in societies and is still manifest in our societies centuries down the line. As much as I respect Plato as a philosopher, this school of thought is totally absurd and condemnable. We should build upon the struggles of past heroes like Elizabeth Staton, who started the women’s right movement in 1848 and make our society safe for women to live as equals in peace and harmony.

3.) LEGAL SYSTEM: Last but certainly not least, we need a legal system and process that protects rape victims. A system that convicts rape defaulters more swiftly and it needs an overhaul in its institutions, modus operendi, and leadership in a more robust manner. More influential institutions should be created to tackle this menace. Personally, I feel women should occupy most leadership roles in anti-rape institutions — there is a popular saying ‘you won’t know where the shoe hurts until you wear it’ — there are some roles that are best handled with understanding and expertise.

In conclusion, it starts with one right decision:

• To respect women as equals;
• To understand she’s a person and not a property;
• To recognize that silence, wearing a mini-skirt, being drunk, being alone or even smiling is not consent;
• To remember boys will not be boys but will be held accountable;
• To be a good husband, to be a good uncle, to be a good friend, to be a good brother, to be a good citizen, and to be your brother’s keeper.

The list is unending, but it’s important to start somewhere, start today.